-
Posted on May 20, 2013 via ♛Charmings with 307,101 notes
Source: dongwoon
-
somtimes i think about john green, obama and that pizza chick and i remember that they will never comment any of my posts because i have low self esteem and a shitty blog
hello
Posted on May 9, 2013 via The Skull, the Tardis and the Impala with 2,030 notes
Source: sherlocklexa
-
“how did you lose your virginity?”
Lmaoooo, Omg
It’s 3am. I was not prepared for this post.
it’s midday and i wasn’t prepared for this post
surprisingly accurate…
(via self-encouraged)
Posted on April 22, 2013 via Cool Kids Never Sleep with 134,797 notes
Source: 69shadesofgray
-
Taking selfies with my english teacher’s butt
JUST LOOK AT ITRemember when my most successful selfie was of my teacher’s butt
because your teacher has a nice butt
my old history teacher has a nicer butt, just saying
you wanna bet?
OH MY GOD DAT ASS.
YES.
As promised
fabulous
does your teacher know that his butt is famous
(via razorblade-salvations)
Posted on April 14, 2013 via wand erection with 47,861 notes
Source: sexypotassium
-
Plays: 57,491
let’s play “who’s the person who got their voice pitched”.
this worked out a little too well to be okay.
IS THAT NIC CAGE
(via barbershopping)
Posted on April 1, 2013 via why is everybody dead with 16,560 notes
Source: douchedag
-
(via barbershopping)
Posted on March 28, 2013 via you are always here to me with 18,677 notes
Source: itsponds
-
Posted on March 26, 2013 via 禁則事項 with 68,611 notes
Source: slothsworth
-
hijackedpeetamellark replied to your post: my school is too much like a bad high school…
Muahahahaadon’t laugh too loud
… they can hear you.
Oh snap o-O
wHAT IS THAT TAG INA WTFF
(via beetees-trident)
Posted on March 26, 2013 via Smile, you're beautiful :) with 5 notes
Source: happyzone
-
The following quotations are taken from official court records across the nation, showing how funny and embarrassing it is that recorders operate at all times in courts of law, so that even the slightest inadvertence is preserved for posterity.
Lawyer:"Was that the same nose you broke as a child?"Witness:"I only have one, you know."-----Lawyer:"Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?"Witness:"By death."Lawyer:"And by whose death was it terminated?"-----Accused, Defending His Own Case:"Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?"The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail.-----Lawyer:"What is your date of birth?"Witness:"July 15th."Lawyer:"What year?"Witness:"Every year."-----Lawyer:"What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?"Witness:"Gucci sweats and Reeboks."-----Lawyer:"Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?"Witness:"No. He was wearing a mask."Lawyer:"What was he wearing under the mask?"Witness:"Er...his face."-----Lawyer:"This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?"Witness:"Yes."Lawyer:"And in what ways does it affect your memory?"Witness:"I forget."Lawyer:"You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?"-----Lawyer:"How old is your son, the one living with you?"Witness:"Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which."Lawyer:"How long has he lived with you?"Witness:"Forty-five years."-----Lawyer:"What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?"Witness:"He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'"Lawyer:"And why did that upset you?"Witness:"My name is Susan."-----Lawyer:"Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"Witness:"No."Lawyer:"Did you check for blood pressure?"Witness:"No."Lawyer:"Did you check for breathing?"Witness:"No."Lawyer:"So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"Witness:"No."Lawyer:"How can you be so sure, Doctor?"Witness:"Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."Lawyer:"But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"Witness:"Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."-----Lawyer:"What happened then?"Witness:"He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'"Lawyer:"Did he kill you?"Witness:"No."-----Lawyer:"Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--"Witness:"Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment."-----Lawyer:"You were there until the time you left, is that true?"-----Lawyer:"So you were gone until you returned?"-----Lawyer:"The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?"-----Lawyer:"Were you alone or by yourself?"-----Witness:"He was about medium height and had a beard."Lawyer:"Was this a male or a female?"-----Lawyer:"I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture."Witness:"That's me."Lawyer:"Were you present when that picture was taken?"-----Lawyer:"Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?"-----Lawyer:"Do you know how far pregnant you are now?"Witness:"I'll be three months on November 8."Lawyer:"Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?"Witness:"Yes."Lawyer:"What were you doing at that time?"-----Lawyer:"She had three children, right?"Witness:"Yes."Lawyer:"How many were boys?"Witness:"None."Lawyer:"Were there girls?"-----Lawyer:"You say that the stairs went down to the basement?"Witness:"Yes."Lawyer:"And these stairs, did they go up also?"-----Lawyer:"What is your brother-in-law's name?"Witness:"Borofkin."Lawyer:"What's his first name?"Witness:"I can't remember."Lawyer:"He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?"Witness:"No. I tell you, I'm too excited." (rising and pointing to his brother-in-law) "Nathan, for heaven's sake, tell them your first name!"-----Lawyer:"Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?"Witness:"I refuse to answer that question.Lawyer:"Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?"Witness:"I refuse to answer that question.Lawyer:"Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?"Witness:"No."-----Lawyer:"Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"Witness:"All my autopsies have been performed on dead people."-----Lawyer:"Were you acquainted with the deceased?"Witness:"Yes sir."Lawyer:"Before or after he died?"-----Lawyer:"When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?"Other Lawyer:"Objection. That question should be taken out and shot."-----Lawyer:"And what did he do then?"Witness:"He came home, and next morning he was dead."Lawyer:"So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?"-----Lawyer:"Could you see him from where you were standing?"Witness:"I could see his head."Lawyer:"And where was his head?"Witness:"Just above his shoulders."-----Lawyer:"Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?"Witness:"The victim lived."Posted on March 17, 2013 via Aspirin Junkie with 90,848 notes
Source: rinkworks.com
-
(via draumstafir)
Posted on March 15, 2013 via ✞ Super Saiyan ✞ with 162,483 notes
Source: stevenyeon
-
THERE IS A GIRL FINGERING HERSELF ON MY NEWSFEED
WHY WOULD YOU POST THIS ON FACEBOOK FOR EVERYONE TO SEE
-
i told my mum that sam and i “weren’t talking” and all she says is “oh, but i thought you two were close.”
WE WERE DATING YOU FUCK I TOLD YOU THAT REMEMBER?! OR DID THAT NOT SINK IN?! so much for getting emotional support from my mother. -
remember when you were straight
and then you were bi
and now you’re just a giant faggot
(via kellybrooke)
Posted on February 3, 2013 via with 6,158 notes
Source: buttromance
-
I’m half sick already, and I haven’t finished my first…
-
me during an exam:lol imma ace dis bitchme during an exam:the fuck did you just sayme during an exam:alright focusme during an exam:pffffttt i got thisme during an exam:I'M A GENIUSme during an exam:whats 5 x 8me during an exam:lol fuck thisme during an exam:be our guest be our guest be our guest put our service to the testme during an exam:oh exam rightme during an exam:yeah hear me flip that pageme during an exam:i am better than all of youme during an exam:peasantsme during an exam:what if everyone can read minds except meme during an exam:i bet theyre all thinking to each other 'dont tell her you can read minds'me during an exam:cough if you can hear meme during an exam:COUGH IF YOU CAN HEAR MEme during an exam:was i doing somethingme during an exam:right test okayme during an exam:lol i bet i can finish before this bitchme during an exam:did we learn thisme during an exam:stop breathing so loudme during an exam:is that really necessaryme during an exam:wow that post on tumblr last night is suddenly the funniest thing i have ever seenme during an exam:i will kill all of you
Posted on December 19, 2012 via im probabably a dorito with 424,721 notes
Source: egg-rolls
